Peter and the passion

Today is palm Sunday, the day in the church when we parade around, wave palm branches and sing strange words.  Liturgically, this day has never made a lot of sense of me. Especially because now we take the festivity of palm Sunday and push the story of the passion into it.  It seems like we're asking our people and our worship to go through a manic phase in under an hour.


However, after the day I've had, the liturgical mood swings make a bit more sense.  I woke up dreading everything that needs to be done and tended to today.  I was wishing someone else would go be the pastor today, I was even wishing someone else would tend to the princess today.  I was filled with that sinking feeling that it was all too much and wanted to keep pulling the blanket over my head. Then I got to church and the loving energy of the sunday school teachers brighten my mood.  Working with the youth as they prepared to read the extended gospel impressed me (we have so many neighborhood kids who get themselves up, get to church, lead worship and have no parental support or help...impressive!).  Hear scripture read by adults and children throughout the worship service inspired me.  Hearing that a young mother had died and that I would continue to walk with this family through grief and good-byes humbled me.  Preparing dinner for the thirty (yep, thirty!) disciples in my living room to celebrate the completion of our faith basics class and watching the youth and adults celebrate together was just pure joy.  
So, it was a backwards palm sunday for me.  I went from despair to hope in the midst of a full and rich day of ministry and life.  I know moments of despair will continue to come, but I also trust that hope will not be too far behind.
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Here is the end of my sermon.  It was a quasi-narrative style which followed the life of Peter from the moment he dropped his fishing net to follow Jesus all the way through his denial of Jesus. 

Then Peter took Jesus aside and poured his heart out, Peter told Jesus that though he may have to die with Jesus, he would never, never deny him. Peter still held that faith that first got him to drop his fishing nets, Peter still spoke on faith that he would follow Jesus up the mountain, down the mountain to the face of death itself. I will never deny you, my teacher, my Messiah, my God.

Peter follows Jesus closely, never letting him out of his sight. Peter follows Jesus into Jerusalem, seeing the Palms waving and hearing the Hosannas. Peter follows, eying the adoring crowds with suspicion. Will the palms really turn into weapons? Will the cheers really turn into cries for punishment and death? Will the adoration really turn into betrayal?

Peter follows Jesus has he stands before the chief priests, lurking near the fire so not to be seen. Peter is keeping a close eye on the man he first called Messiah. And then, that girl approached him, the nosy girl also lurking in the shadows. She asked if he knew Jesus...Peter said “no”! Maybe if Peter hid his identity he could help Jesus, save him even. The girl persisted, she thought she had seen Peter following Jesus all over. Peter tried to get rid of her, “No, I do not know that man”. If someone overheard this girl they could pull Peter right into this tainted and unjust trial! The girl peered into his eyes and said, “I think it was you.” Peter said, “No, no, no” I do not follow this man, I did not know about the cross and the love and the people who need so much. I did not know that this man meant total sacrifice, he spoke of life, yet is leading us into certain death! His healing is for everyone else, what about me? The light is gone, I had seen such light, but it is all gone, I am here, in the dark alone. And he is there, in the middle of a hostile crowd, totally alone. No, I do not know that man.

And then the cock crowed three times, and Peter felt the condemnation. He felt his own betrayal, he felt his faith die, he felt the weight of the cross upon him. Peter had denied Jesus, the one he followed, the one who gave him the authority to heal, the one who showed him God's light, the one who promised God's life, Peter had denied the one he loved.

In betrayal, in fear...everyone is alone. In the despair and agony of all that is to come, in the wretched darkness of our own souls, in the shadow of the cross looming over us, we get a glimpse of who Jesus really is...the one who still goes to the cross for the ones he loves, for the ones who betray, for the ones who follow so closely, for those who deserve it the least.

In this moment of loneliness and despair, we see who we really are...and we see who Jesus really is.