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Sunday, April 29, 2012

Have no fear, little flock.


1 John 3:16-24
John 10:11-18

Dear, poor little sheep, did you get lost...again? Did you wander away from the flock? From the protection of our shepherd? Poor little sheep, don't get so down on yourself, how could you have known what dangers lie over the mountain? How could you have know the rocky and steep terrain that is up ahead? Poor little sheep, do not wallow in shame, do not lose yourself in despair, because the Shepherd is never so far away. Our shepherd knows us sheep, knows our good parts and bad, our strengths and weaknesses, our shepherd even knows we are prone to wander. That is why the Shepherd is always moving, always searching and always finding us – the wayward and forgetful ones.

Dear, hungry little sheep, are you wondering why the same plot of land has stopped giving you food? The same plot you have been grazing at for days, you have munched it clean, there is nothing left for you here. Hungry little sheep, you do not know how to move on, do you. You do not know where the next field of lush, delicious grass can be found for you only see what is right in front of you and cannot bear to look around into the unknown. Dear, hungry little sheep, raise your head, see the vast horizon filled with green? The Shepherd knows all too well what this life could bring, what the world could offer, if only, if only we dared to look on this world with humility – not judgment, with awe – not fear, with desire – not dread. All the meadows, the fields, the mountains, the waterfalls... they are for you. Your Shepherd brought you here to eat, to be healthy, to live. Do not sit paralyzed in fear of what is to come next, our shepherd is always leading us in green meadows, always providing for us – the hungry and fearful ones.

Dear, stingy little sheep, why do hold your God-given gifts to yourself? Why do you fight against the way God has made you – to give wool that keep feet warm on winter nights, to give meat to hungry stomachs, to be the livelihood for those that have no other way. Dear, stingy little sheep, our shepherd keeps us and tends us and loves us, so that we will keep and tend and love each other. Give it all way, your gifts, your resources, yourself, give it away. It is no good to keep it locked and hidden and clutching what never belonged to us in the first place. The shepherd has given us everything we need to fully love one another, if we only dare to let go. Dear, stingy little sheep, trust that the Shepherd will always renew you, every time you give a part of yourself, our gentle shepherd brings us to cool waters, and fills us up every time. The shepherd loves us and our God-given gifts, and the shepherd will show us how to let go, even us – the clutching and territorial ones.

Dear lonely little sheep. Are you left grazing outside the flock? Has life pushed you out, has darkness closed you out? Dear, lonely little sheep you know you were made to be with the flock, we were made to move and live and graze together, it is not good to be alone. Yet, the loneliness can be unavoidable, the pain of separation, the fear of solitude sneaks up on us sheep. The shepherd keeps ushering us back together, after fall outs, after hear break, even after the sting of death, the shepherd gently and lovingly brings us back into the fold, because we were made for the flock. Reach out for each other, cry out for another, trust the flock – even though it is not perfect, and we do not always graze in peace – trust that the shepherd will keep teaching us how to be together so that we all can be apart of the flock and all can know this shepherd. Our shepherd will always connect us with each other, because we are better grazing together, even us, the lonely and isolated ones.

Dear, little sheep, we are led by the good shepherd, who does not push us or led us to places of danger – rather this good shepherd leads us on right paths, the way may seem foolish at times, but we trust this shepherd, because this shepherd is so, so good. Dear, little sheep, don't you know you are loved with a wild, unrelenting love? Dear little sheep this love is clear, we know this love because the shepherd laid down his life for us. Our shepherd is not lost, is not hungry, is not selfish or fearful – our shepherd loves with wisdom, loves by providing, and loves us in all our wandering and selfish ways.

Because, precious little sheep, this life with the shepherd was never about being the best sheep, it was never about being an independent sheep, it was never about you at all. Precious little sheep, we are known by the shepherd, we are loved by the shepherd, so now we can give it all away.

Because, precious little sheep, it was about the shepherd all along. 

Weightless.


It must be spring. I know this not by the blooming flowers or warm air moving in, and not by my allergies in all their glory either. I know the smell and taste of spring because every spring for as long as I can remember has marked a move. I have begun cleaning closets, donating, purging, shipping, packing. Here comes another spring full of change, relocating, good byes and hellos. I have been approaching this spring with dread, I hate to admit that, but its true. I have put a lot of energy into making this upcoming change a positive and steady one, and to be honest....nearly every open door has been closed and every potential “yes” has turned to a “no”. To say it is frustrating does not seem to do this experience justice.

So, I am done putting the energy into planning. Because, really the planning is just my need to control and know everything – which I never will, and yet I will probably never learn that lesson. Now, my energy is turned to being present. There is still internship work to be done (only 8 weeks left) and a princess to raise. And while the lack of a plan is scary as hell, I also feel somewhat weightless. I have unattached myself from my furniture, I have unattached myself from leases and school districts, even a permanent address! I am not trying to romanticized the unattached life, because I am not looking forward to it. However, the weightlessness feels freeing, too.
Valley Camp, North Bend, WA
Spring Break 2012

Only one other time in life have I truly surrendered – when I found myself sitting in Minnesota with a newborn baby, a very sick father and a life on the other side of the country I had just cut all ties with. Everyone I saw had questions for me, questions I could not answer. The unknowing built to the point that I avoided public places where the questions would certainly arise and I made myself sick trying to figure it all out. Finally, one day I told God I was done, God was going to have to take over because I was done. I felt a collective sigh of relief, both my own and God's! That unknowing chapter turned into one of the most healing and fulfilling years of my life to date. Turns out, God is better at planning then I am.

So, here we go – unattached in every sense of the word. Fear, dread and anxiety will go with us...but so will hope, faith and a lot of support from those that love us.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

We are the world!


Luke 24:36b-48
Earth Day

Today is earth day! All over the world extra trees are being plants, school age children are getting a refresher on the importance of recycling and the evils of littering. The debate over global warming heats up this time of year. Its that time of the year when we folks of the developing world stop and attempt to listen to the reminder that this world is bigger than us and that we not only make an impact on the earth and but we also have a responsibility for the earth.

And now you and I here in church and the bible is telling us something about this earth, our prayers and other elements of worship today will point to and illuminate God's creation and our place in it. But the connection between us as humans and the earth is a complicated one, and the relation held between Divine Creator and us as mere humans is worth a moment, or a lifetime of reflecting upon.

More and more people all over our country, and especially here in the Pacific Northwest have various reasons as to why they do not attend church or find themselves a part of any faith community. One of those reasons sounds something like this, “Why would I go to church on a Sunday morning when I can experience God right here in my fishing boat, or on the hiking trail or fill in your favorite outdoor recreation.” And to some extent, I agree! There is little else I find as restorative to my soul then stepping onto a lush hiking trail, feelings the shade of massive trees, hearing the roar of a waterfall, seeing the countless systems of nature that grow, reproduce, bloom, die and sustain. My faith is reassured when I consider God's hand in sustaining this creation and God's creative and playful side is shown in wildflowers and bubbling brooks. This is the side of nature that we lift up today, God made it and said it was good and we are prone to agree! So, I understand the person who says they will more clearly encounter the Divine on Mt. Hood then in the sanctuary today, in fact, on sunshiny days like today...I'm even a little jealous.

Because on a day like today it would be easy to step outside, view the glorious flowers and say, “Yes this is God's hand! This is beautiful and creative! Amen!” But that is just one side of nature...the perfect, calm, docile image of the creation God called good. There are other aspects to this nature: the nature that offers ticks and poison oak, the nature that infects and harms. The divine fishing boat can suddenly turn into a sinking weight and the inspiring hike can lead to harsh exposure to the elements we do not stand a chance against. This is the other side of nature – the side that is much more difficult to encounter and say “Yes, this is God's hand! Amen?”

Nature, from a glorious distance, is inspiring and does remind us of God's divine and creative power to make life. Yet, up a little closer we are also reminded of the darkness and harmful powers of our world to cause suffering and death. This is what we call, the hiddeness of God, not the full nature of God, but the hidden side. The side of God that seems to stay silent as nature rages against humanity, or the side of God that is difficult to feel during the times we feel so vulnerable to all we are exposed to.

So, if we do not fully know and encounter God in the beauty of nature and the awe-inspiring creation that we celebrate today...then where? Where is this God, not hidden, but known and revealed? We know God through Jesus Christ. It is just two weeks after Easter and in our gospel story today there was another scene of the disciples who are scared and doubting and so confused by all that has happened. How can they know where to go next? How can they know how to walk away from death and destruction towards new life?

Jesus comes to these scared and confused disciples already knowing them fully. Before the disciples can speak a word, asks, “Why are you afraid? Why do you doubt? Didn't you know I'd be back?” Already Jesus is setting up this relationship with his followers to be a person one, a relationship that recognizes emotions and fears and addresses them.

This is different than our earth and all the creation it holds. You see we cannot become fully engaged with nature, because nature will bite back, eventually the wilderness acts up with a force and power that is stronger than we are – that is why God is considered hidden in that nature. Certainly God is present, but that is not where and how we can be up close and person with God, creation is not where we are known and loved by the Creator.

Jesus comes to the disciples and says – touch me, feel my wounds and scars. Jesus then asked for a bite to eat...never mind the manners, Jesus was engaging every sense available to the disciples – hearing, seeing, feeling, smelling and taste – every part of Jesus being was brought to new life, just as every part of us will be brought to new life in Christ. Jesus invites those who love him to get up close and personal, taste – touch – see – hear – feel, this is where we connect, this is where we see God, in the risen Christ! And there is nothing calm or docile about this encounter with God – it is real and intimate, it is love come up close and personal to us, even us with all our fears and doubts.

So often in church we sanitize our encounters. The only touch comes during the passing of the peace, we sit in our nicest clothes and have ordered our worship space with straight pews all facing the same direction. Our worship does not quite reflect the nature of our relationship with God through this risen Christ. Jesus says we are to taste – touch – see – hear – feel the new life given to us.

Did you hear the word today?
Will you taste it as you gather around the table?
Did you see the risen Christ is the face of a stranger or a loved one today?
Did you hear the good news as you sang or in the innocence of a child?
Did you touch someone with the grace and love of God the creator, who created us for touch and connectedness?

Bust out of the church walls and sanitized encounters. Serving God's earth and all the people in it includes messiness, intimacy, real love flowing from God, through our hands and feet to the world the earth, the whole creation. As people who believe in this risen Christ we are not supposed to be overly sanitized, all our sense are to be engaged as we follow our Savior! We are sitting outside today to be reminded that these walls are not a fortress, they are penetrable, our leaky roof is reminding us of that! We are sitting outside today to be reminded that engaging with the world like Jesus did is uncomfortable, noisy, distracting, annoying – and it requires a dedicate and focused faith that dares to be known and loved by God so that we may share this relationship and love of God through Christ Jesus with the creation!
Look around – this is the creation God is calling us to. Do not miss the words of the Psalmist...
When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers,
   the moon and the stars that you have established; 
4 what are human beings that you are mindful of them,
   mortals that you care for them?”

God, creator of heaven and earth, Jesus the skilled fisherman comes to us this morning and wants to be known by us. God does not want to be known by the destructive power of creation, but by the transforming power of the risen Christ! God does not want to be known by the destructive power of creation, but by the transforming power of the risen Christ!

Creation is a worthy reminder of life here on this earth and the need for a humble and gentle touch as we talk this earth. However, God's creation, the hiking trail, the fishing boat, is not to be worshiped, lest we begin to sink. Only in Jesus Christ do we know and experience the reminder of life beyond this earth, full and loving life everlasting. And God saw that all that was made, from the smallest flower, to the tiniest child, from the massive oak to the mighty human – all that was made and saw that it was good, it was so very good.

May you experience the transforming power of the risen Christ today – taste, touch, feel, hear, see all that God has done and all that you may do in God's name. Amen.  

Monday, April 16, 2012

A new day

misty and mysterious, Columbia River Gorge
I feel like I've just finished a marathon, or at least I am on my final lap.  These past two weeks I have had endless amounts of writing to do -- for church, for class (one final credit on line) and for the approval/assignment process.  Every spare moment for the past two weeks has been spent at the computer just trying to get it all done.  And, as of 10:00am this morning, I believe the last form was submitted!  Of course, I still have to preach on Sunday and my class is not done, but those big, looming deadlines and word counts are behind me.

So, I look a day off.  I found a beautiful hike and spent my day doing nothing productive! After spending sometime in God's good creation I feel like a new person.  Its amazing how fresh air and new sites can make such a difference in my perspective.  We all need our world to be expanded...so, I share my view from this morning with you!


looking over into Lyle, Washington from Rowena, OR

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Why do you weep?


John 20:1-18

Christ is risen! He is risen indeed! Alleluia!

Finally, we are here on Easter morning. It has been a long 40 days of Lent – that season of reflection , discipline, getting lost in the desert with Jesus, sitting in a season of darkness and despair. Lent is over, so the artwork that has been with us throughout Lent is moved to the back, and this solo piece of color and light and and newness stands before us. We made it!

And how did you get here exactly? What roads have you been traveling lately? What experiences have brought you here, to this place? We all have them... life experiences that mark us, histories that try to define us, patterns of living that shape us, and road that we walk – either alone, or with another, road we are walking that have in someway or another brought us here...to this place.

How did you get there? And why are you here, at all? Now, please do not get me wrong I am so glad you are here on this day of celebration. This is the day in the Christian life that we stand before the cross and articulate what it means to us, this is the day when we say what the cross represents to us, as children of God...and this is no small thing. Christmas is our other big day, and I think that day is a little easier – its a clear beginning, something miraculous and new began on that first Christmas morning so we gather as God's children and tell the beginning of the Jesus' story. The meaning and the connection is clear – we gather on Jesus' birthday, it is a beginning. What about this day – this Easter day? What is the connection and the meaning for you? Are you here because family dragged you in? Or perhaps you are here out of blind curiosity? Are you here because that is just what you've always done? Do you need to show off your new shoes and Easter church with a good brunch to follow is a great way to do that? Do you need a word of hope, did despair and darkness bring you here? Do you need to hear others singing, do you need to join your voice to the millions that will sing these words today or those that have done so throughout history? Do you need something to believe in?

I do not know why you are here, but no matter the road you traveled, I believe God had something to do with it, and I believe there is something here for you.  

We heard the story of the resurrection from John's gospel account. Now, don't tell the other gospel writers, but John in my favorite. Throughout his story telling there is always a point of connection, there are real people, real people with flaws and problems and pasts, yet somehow, someway, they make a connection with Jesus. John tells us a story about relationship, about meaningful encounters, John brings to light the “why” of it all. In the telling of Jesus' coming to life again, we hear of three people who encounter Jesus, or rather, the lack of Jesus.

All three of these people enter the story in deep despair, all that they had hoped in, all the good and power they thought would come from following Jesus was taken away. Not lightly taken away, but wrenched from their faithful and loving hands and thrown on the cross of suffering and death. So all three of these people enter the story today expecting death, they are looking for an ending to the miserable story that began on Christmas – they are looking for their own meaning and to be able to answer the why of it all.

First is Mary Magdalene. She comes to the tomb where the body of Jesus was laid, she coming to pay her respects, or maybe have a quiet moment alone, she arrives so early in the morning, the sun has not yet begun to shine. She does not get too far before she notices the stone --- the massive stone which is meant to seal off the grave has been rolled away. Mary runs, in panic, she assumes the worst and when she says, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb and we do not know where they have laid him.” The betrayal and horror of this story is not over, the insult of taking away the dead, a further disrespect. The other men run in and out of the scene, but Mary remains.

Mary stays beside the massive stone and weeps. She weeps for all she believed in, she weeps for her hopes now dashed, she weeps for her teacher and friend, her beloved. First the angels appear as regular men and ask her, “Why are you weeping?” Mary replies, “they have taken away my Lord...” the injustice she must have felt in that moment. For Mary, this is personal, this is one she loved dearly, so we continues to stand at the grave stone and weep. Then another man appeared behind her and echoed the question, “Woman, why are you weeping?” a question from a stranger, but his inquiry is too much for Mary and she lashes back at him, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me so I can take him away.” Mary speaks back to this man and she wants nothing else than to lay her loved one to rest with respect and honor. The man speaks one more word... “Mary!” This man knows her, this man calls her by name and in doing so brings to light who he is to her. The risen Lord appeared to Mary while she was still standing at he grave side weeping. He recalled all they had been through together, all the love that passed between him and he summed it up in one loving, meaning word of connection, her name, Mary. Mary was off running again, and she had one thing to tell the world; it was not “we were right!” it was not “gather the disciples we've got work to do!” Mary took off running and yelled for anyone who might listen, “I have seen the Lord!”

Why was Mary there that Easter morning? Because she loved Jesus, because they had a relationship that meant something to her. Mary was there to hear and receive the good news that death was not the end, hope was not forgotten, she was there because she had met Jesus and she loved him.

The next person present that Easter morning was Simon Peter. He was summoned by Mary at the first word of the missing body and the empty tomb and he too, took off running. Peter did not pause at the garden gate, he did not stumble when he saw the stone rolled away, Peter ran until he was inside the empty tomb. He ran right past Mary and the other disciple standing there – one was weeping, the other simply stunned. Peter blew past them and found himself in the tomb – the place of death and finality. He had followed Jesus closely for those years of teaching and healings, he had betrayed Jesus to a devastating degree – he had been a leader of this movement, deeply invested in all Jesus did and said. Imagine his disappointment and this monumental failure – his career, his family, his future, his reputation, all destroyed in one moment on the cross. For that, and for so much more, Peter ran until he was standing in the rock, seeing for himself what maybe, maybe had happened that Sunday morning.

Why was Peter there that Easter morning? Because he had heard that the tomb was empty and he knew Jesus had said that he would rise again, but those words were not enough. Peter needed to look death in the face, he needed to smell and hear and see the darkness and decay and experience that death had not won. Peter looked death in the face and knew that Jesus was alive, God's love had truly overwhelmed the grave and life with Jesus would be his. Peter knew despair, he did not back away from suffering, and this is what makes his belief in the life of Jesus and the light of God so much more powerful. Peter was there that Easter morning to experience faith and hope and love so strong it had conquered death, even death on the cross.

One other person was brought to the empty tomb that morning. He is only identified as the disciple whom Jesus loved. He and Peter set off running together but the unnamed disciple made it to the grave first. He stopped short of entering, he simply stood near Mary and the rolled away stone, he peered into the darkness and saw the linens Jesus was wrapped in. Over there were his body wrappings, and in that far corner the linen for his head – it was all there, piece by piece, but Jesus was not in the grave. Once Peter raced past and enter the tomb, this disciples whom Jesus loved was courageous enough to step inside. The disciple stepped inside the empty grave, saw the empty tomb and believed. The disciple ran, saw and believed.

Why was this disciple there, the one that Jesus loved? Why did he race to the grave and stand outside, unable to enter alone? Maybe it was because this beloved one was so grief stricken, so paralyzed with fear that he could not face this life any longer. He did not go in alone, he did not walk with bravery and strength – he was defeated, terrified and alone. Yet, here he is on Easter morning – and with the word of Mary and the courage of Peter, this unnamed one stepped forward and received faith. He did not have to be strong enough, he did not have to be first, our loud, or heroic...that is what he had his brother and sister for. This beloved disciple was there on Easter morning to face loss and grief and hear something different – he saw hope that day in the empty tomb, he heard a word of life and he was forever changed.

Those are the three at the empty tomb – Mary, Peter, the one whom Jesus loved. They each have reasons for being there, and there reasons are born out of their life's experiences. The roads they have traveled, the connections they have made, the moments of meaningful love that stays with them and draws them into hear, see, touch and feel the good news of the empty tomb.

So, how exactly did you get here? Do you weep with Mary? Do you run in disbelief with Peter? Do you stand paralyzed like the loved one? Do you have your own scars and battles and darkness that brought you hear today?

No matter the road in, the empty tomb is what we celebrate today. Christmas was Jesus' great beginning, but today...today is our great beginning! Because God is not satisfied with our roads that lead all over the place, God is not going to settle for wandering hearts lonely and afraid, God will not rest and leave us alone...today we hear the news – Christ is risen! Christ is risen for you and with you! Christ is alive and the tomb is empty and because this is all true we get to experience life – our weeping can be over, our paralyzed stillness is done, our bold skepticism is put to rest...and we rise with the risen Lord!

All of you Marys – do not weep this morning, because the ones that you love are not finished in death, the ones that you have loved are alive and whole and healed wrapped in the love of God!

All of you Peters – stay in the empty tomb as long as you like, scavenger around for every piece of life you have find and know that your sacrifice, your devotion to Christ and the church has not been in vain. The tomb is empty and that is truth for a life time.

All of you beloved disciples – do not stand still in fear today. Move, dance and dare to hope again! Hope in grace that covered the greatest hurt, hope in healing that cures diseases, hope in forgiveness and peace in all the places of hurt and war. Walk with your brothers and sisters into the empty tomb and see and hear and be changed.

You are not just here because your family dragged you or its what you have always done. You are here, at the empty tomb because God has called you – because you need to hear that hope is not dead, meaningful connections and encounters are not a thing of the past. If we, the church, are going to do our jobs and follow Jesus out of the grave and into the world – that an we need to live and speak and know that. Hope and life and truth are for us, for all.

This day is our beginning in Christ. Why are you here? God only knows, but you are here and this empty grave is for you – Christ is risen for you and you will rise with Christ.

Christ is risen! He is risen indeed! Alleluia! Amen! 

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Peter and the passion

Today is palm Sunday, the day in the church when we parade around, wave palm branches and sing strange words.  Liturgically, this day has never made a lot of sense of me. Especially because now we take the festivity of palm Sunday and push the story of the passion into it.  It seems like we're asking our people and our worship to go through a manic phase in under an hour.


However, after the day I've had, the liturgical mood swings make a bit more sense.  I woke up dreading everything that needs to be done and tended to today.  I was wishing someone else would go be the pastor today, I was even wishing someone else would tend to the princess today.  I was filled with that sinking feeling that it was all too much and wanted to keep pulling the blanket over my head. Then I got to church and the loving energy of the sunday school teachers brighten my mood.  Working with the youth as they prepared to read the extended gospel impressed me (we have so many neighborhood kids who get themselves up, get to church, lead worship and have no parental support or help...impressive!).  Hear scripture read by adults and children throughout the worship service inspired me.  Hearing that a young mother had died and that I would continue to walk with this family through grief and good-byes humbled me.  Preparing dinner for the thirty (yep, thirty!) disciples in my living room to celebrate the completion of our faith basics class and watching the youth and adults celebrate together was just pure joy.  
So, it was a backwards palm sunday for me.  I went from despair to hope in the midst of a full and rich day of ministry and life.  I know moments of despair will continue to come, but I also trust that hope will not be too far behind.
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Here is the end of my sermon.  It was a quasi-narrative style which followed the life of Peter from the moment he dropped his fishing net to follow Jesus all the way through his denial of Jesus. 



Then Peter took Jesus aside and poured his heart out, Peter told Jesus that though he may have to die with Jesus, he would never, never deny him. Peter still held that faith that first got him to drop his fishing nets, Peter still spoke on faith that he would follow Jesus up the mountain, down the mountain to the face of death itself. I will never deny you, my teacher, my Messiah, my God.

Peter follows Jesus closely, never letting him out of his sight. Peter follows Jesus into Jerusalem, seeing the Palms waving and hearing the Hosannas. Peter follows, eying the adoring crowds with suspicion. Will the palms really turn into weapons? Will the cheers really turn into cries for punishment and death? Will the adoration really turn into betrayal?

Peter follows Jesus has he stands before the chief priests, lurking near the fire so not to be seen. Peter is keeping a close eye on the man he first called Messiah. And then, that girl approached him, the nosy girl also lurking in the shadows. She asked if he knew Jesus...Peter said “no”! Maybe if Peter hid his identity he could help Jesus, save him even. The girl persisted, she thought she had seen Peter following Jesus all over. Peter tried to get rid of her, “No, I do not know that man”. If someone overheard this girl they could pull Peter right into this tainted and unjust trial! The girl peered into his eyes and said, “I think it was you.” Peter said, “No, no, no” I do not follow this man, I did not know about the cross and the love and the people who need so much. I did not know that this man meant total sacrifice, he spoke of life, yet is leading us into certain death! His healing is for everyone else, what about me? The light is gone, I had seen such light, but it is all gone, I am here, in the dark alone. And he is there, in the middle of a hostile crowd, totally alone. No, I do not know that man.

And then the cock crowed three times, and Peter felt the condemnation. He felt his own betrayal, he felt his faith die, he felt the weight of the cross upon him. Peter had denied Jesus, the one he followed, the one who gave him the authority to heal, the one who showed him God's light, the one who promised God's life, Peter had denied the one he loved.

In betrayal, in fear...everyone is alone. In the despair and agony of all that is to come, in the wretched darkness of our own souls, in the shadow of the cross looming over us, we get a glimpse of who Jesus really is...the one who still goes to the cross for the ones he loves, for the ones who betray, for the ones who follow so closely, for those who deserve it the least.

In this moment of loneliness and despair, we see who we really are...and we see who Jesus really is.