Out of chaos comes...?

Last Sunday I did an information session on seminary and internship for our congregations. Given that I am the first intern these churches have worked with, we thought it would be helpful for them to have a glimpse at the bigger picture of the whole journey a seminarian embarks on.

During the session someone commented on all the waiting, and unknown and how much is out of the seminarian's hands. To this astute insight I retorted, “Yes, if a person doesn't have faith before going to seminary, they certainly do by the time they are done!”.

The retort was meant to be funny and make light of the reality of the unknown.

However, in the midst of the unknown, funny doesn't really cut it.

What is happening for us after internship (a mere 3 and a half months away)?

The ugly truth is – I have no idea.

We have this terribly awkward waiting period – could be 4 months, could be 8 months, could be longer (yikes!). The last step to seminary is approval, and I cannot be approved until most of internship is done. So, next month I have an interview via Skype, in May I have an interview in Fargo, ND and if all goes well...I'm approved for ordination! And then I wait and wait and wait for the bishops of the ELCA to meet...which will not happen until late October. See? Really, awkward waiting period.

The unknowns have quadrupled lately and the Princess is really struggling with the rise of anxiety. So, for the next step, I feel the pressure to snuggle us into a place of security, comfort, stability, love and fun. Yet, I am painfully aware that I am not in control (that's the Holy Spirit's work) and I cannot create something out of nothing (thats God's work – ex nihilo) and I really do not know what is best (again, leaving that one to God).

So, I have to have faith. But faith and calm are lacking.

Meanwhile, I keep this poignant prayer close...

Lord, God, you have called your servants to ventures of which we cannot see the ending,

by paths as yet untrodden, through perils unknown.

Give us faith to go out with good courage, not knowing where we go,

but only that your hand is leading us and your love supporting us; 

through Jesus Christ our Lord. 

Amen.

 (Lutheran Evening Vespers)