Up and Down

My inner teeter-totter is all outta whack.

The balance between personal and profession, work and play, me time and everyone else time is lost, skewed, blurred and really starting to bug me! I have no one to blame but myself, I bring work home with me every day, I go for morning walks and check my clock over and over wondering how soon I can get to the office to start on my list for the day. And that's just work! Then there are those demands of raising the Princess and maintaining relationships that all take time (and weird, two-hour different time zones time) and I can go from 6:00am-11:00pm and realize there has been no quiet and no time for me, or God.

This is not meant to be a sob-story, because really, I have no one to blame but myself. When I catch myself I can remember that I am not actually holding the world in my hands and that letting go and unclenching my fists and letting my shoulders release from my ears is ok...really, really ok.

So, I've been looking at my inner teeter-totter and finding ways to bring it back to center. It really is not easy for me, as much of my sense of worth comes from “doing” and not “being”, so if I am not “doing” something...what good am I? Yet, I'm coming off of two weeks of traveling all over the state of Minnesota “doing” and set no boundaries for myself or the Princess...so in 13 days we slept in 6 beds,that's ridiculous! And I am not sure I came back to Oregon feeling any better about myself or impressing anyone with my ability to run myself ragged and never say “no”. The truth is, I'm exhausted and out of touch with my own well-being. I do not want to burn out before I've even really began this whole Pastor path...so somethings gotta give.

I've only been back at work for two days and already have had a few chances to try out this new balancing act. There are a few meetings I will no longer be sitting in on, I did not bend over backwards to help out the Princess' school after they had a communication goof and tonight my computer will stay in the office! This means I will not be able to end my day with Jon Stewart, however I usually spend the commercial breaks sending emails...so the computer has been grounded to the office for awhile.

Time for some fresh air, breathing and getting the teeter-totter back to center.

this is a good image of what I feel like doing morning yoga :)