Half & Half

I am entering the six month of my internship. This means internship is nearly half over...this is unbelievable to me! Many days I feel positive and humbled by how well this year has been going. Each Sunday is life-giving (and exhausting) and full of meaningful connections with the saints of God. We are having important conversations about the future of the church, discerning where the vision and identity of the church might go, digging into the Word and praying together.

And then there are those days when I think, “I only have six months and the church has not been completely revitalized! There is so much to do! I need to do more! I, I, I, I....” and I get overwhelmed and go running to find a project I can conquer easily (like cleaning out closets...so satisfying!). The conflicts, the confusion, the lack of resources, the illness, the despair...it begins to weigh on my shoulders and feels very heavy.

And then I remember that I am not God. God will be with this church long after I am gone, just as God has been here long before I arrived.

“4For a thousand years in your sight are like yesterday when it is past, or like a watch in the night.”

Psalm 90

And with the turn from the first-half to the second-half of internship, my thoughts and energy begins to shift to what will happen after internship. I cannot get too far into this train of thought without feeling very nervous, and the anxiety of what will be begins to pile up. I dread the question from parishioners, pastors, family and friends, “What's next?” and I fret, fret, fret.

Packing & Panic

And then I remember that I am not God. God will be with us in this transition, just as God has been with us with every single transition (there have been A LOT) that has already happened.

So, for right now, I will try to be present. Present to the current ministry opportunities before me, present to my current relationships, present to all that God has laid out before me and trust that what will be will be. And what will be will be with God.

“16 Let your work be manifest to your servants, and your glorious power to their children. 17 Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us, and prosper for us the work of our hands— O prosper the work of our hands!” Psalm 90